We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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