thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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