I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
MIDGETS
????
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
