On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
