someone threw a dead crab at me
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
