Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
