THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
