Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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