Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I color on your dick again?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
