He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
