i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
