WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize