watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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