If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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