Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
