So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
