Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
