Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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