Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
