if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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