you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
