thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
