there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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