Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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