final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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