I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
