the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
