You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize