just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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