You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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