Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
