Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
