I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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