Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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