Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
