Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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