All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
