I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
