Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
