worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
