And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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