I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
