you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
