Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
