C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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