Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
