So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
