These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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