I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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