Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
