yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
