Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
