miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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