how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
