Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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