i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
