just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
