Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
