everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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