There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
