how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
