some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
