My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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