all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
