Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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