Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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