I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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