Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
