the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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