oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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