if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
