Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
