And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
