new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
