Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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