yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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