She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
