No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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